Leander Paes is perhaps the greatest doubles tennis player of all time, with 18 grand slam titles to his name: 8 mens doubles and 10 mixed doubles championships!

Paes began his tennis career during the era of legends like Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi. He just didn’t have as much sheer power as those guys had. But he possessed an edge that originated from a quirky childhood experience.

The Video Games That Changed Everything

As a child, Paes’ father gave him money to play 100 video games daily. Any child’s dream come true, right? But after two months of relentless gaming, Paes grew tired and returned half the money to his father. That’s when his father revealed the true purpose of the exercise: he wasn’t sending Paes to play video games for fun. But to improve his hand-eye coordination!

This exceptional hand-eye coordination along with quick reflexes made Paes one of the best net players in the world. Not much handy while playing singles games, but extremely crucial while playing doubles!

Becoming a great doubles player

Whether it was the video games or his innate ability, Paes soon realized that singles tennis wouldn’t be his strong suit. Instead of dwelling on this limitation, he chose to double down on doubles, a decision that would define his career.

In 2003, Paes partnered with the legendary Martina Navratilova for mixed doubles. The duo promptly won the Australian Open and Wimbledon titles. Just weeks after these triumphs, Paes found himself admitted in a hospital for a suspected brain tumour. Paes had just turned 30 years old.

Further tests revealed that it wasn’t a deadly tumour but rather a treatable parasitic brain infection. Paes was lucky. The most unimaginable thing however is the way Paes recovered mentally. It was like he wasn’t sick at all.

When the doctors told him that he could not exert and workout or play, he decided he would write a book. Just like that. Because he does not know how to stay idle.

Recover quickly. That’s always been the Paes Philosophy.

Recover quickly. After every point you lose, recover quickly. After every game you lose, recovery quickly. Don’t wallow in loss. After brain surgery, recover quickly.

In his words: “It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel lonely. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to feel that you are disappointed in yourself or in someone else. It’s okay. But what’s important is the quick recovery time. You can’t dwell on that. Cry your tears, feel disappointed, feel your highs and your lows, and move on quick.”

This emotional elasticity has been the cornerstone of his resilience. So, how can you develop the same ability to recover from life’s troubles?

The 5 stages of grief: why we get stuck

In 1969, Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the five stages of grief after studying terminally ill patients and how they react to setbacks.

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

What Kübler-Ross had tried to do was map the emotions people feel after facing a catastrophe. But she had also given us the key to why people recover slowly, or sometimes not at all.

Contrary to popular belief, not everyone goes through all 5 stages. But the stages highlight why our minds resist to move ahead, get stuck and fail to recover when we are unable to deal with our emotions.

Denial

• What We’re Resisting: Accepting the reality of the situation.
• Emotion: Confusion or numbness.
• Denial protects us from immediate pain but keeps us from facing reality.

Anger

• What We’re Resisting: The lack of control and unfairness of the situation.
• Emotion: Bitterness or frustration.
• Anger consumes energy and often seeks to place blame on others or ourselves.

Bargaining

• What We’re Resisting: Letting go of the past and accepting that it cannot be changed.
• Emotion: Guilt or regret.
• Bargaining fills our minds with “what if” or “if only” scenarios, keeping us stuck in hypotheticals.

Depression

• What We’re Resisting: Re-engaging with life and believing in joy again.
• Emotion: Hopelessness or self-pity.
• Depression stalls momentum, making the world seem dark and purposeless.

Acceptance

Acceptance remains elusive without active effort. And It’s only the step of acceptance that ushers in recovery. Acceptance allows us to integrate the loss and move forward with purpose.

Don’t let emotions keep you stuck. Emotions linger if they’re not processed. Resisting emotions – whether through denial, anger, or self-pity – is what keeps us from recovering. Instead of resisting and avoiding emotions, embrace and experience them. Reach the acceptance stage faster.

Feel, embrace, let go: Paes’ approach to recovery

Instead of resisting emotions, Leander Paes advises that we:

• Feel the emotion. Acknowledge the disappointment, the frustration, the sadness, the unfairness. Don’t suppress it. Allow yourself to cry or grieve.
  
• Embrace the emotion. Name it. Label it. Share it with a support group. Maybe write your feelings down as well.
  
• Once the emotion is processed, release it. Shift your focus to what’s next: the next task, the next challenge, the next opportunity.

This proactive approach prevents emotions from lingering and keeps momentum moving forward. Paes exemplifies this mindset, whether he’s recovering from a missed shot or a life-threatening illness.

Action Summary:

• Life can be horrible and unfair from time to time. What matters is how quickly you recover. Great people have the mental tendency to recover quickly.
  
• Recovery means actively dealing with your emotions. Feel, embrace, let go. Recover quickly and move ahead with renewed focus.